humbling day

must say i wasnt prepared for it..not in such a manner..but still i thank God for such experiences..seldom does it come when i feel reali humbled after all e activities..as i go back home, i'm still thinking,looking myself w sober judgement..a quiet yet contrite realisation of myself..thoughts came to my mind such as "oh man..how come it never occur to me tis way/why i havent given much tot to tis area of my life?"

and i was juz tinking abt how to relate wat i am learning from my OT course into my life..well God does have its way of speaking to me personally thru e morning run first..i was quite full of confidence dat i could improve wat i've attained..having trained to e 16-km mark for e upcoming sheares bridge run..well little did i noe dat it didnt seem e case..i started off well running w zewei..but along e way..tink it was e weather..e sun was scorching hot man..i started to slow down tink it's due to my breathing irregularities n perspiration..i stopped n started again..a few times..by then i only finished 10km..was reali disheartened..yet i noe i couldn't juz stop..'ve to keep up w e training..ok..i should run..towards e end..i literally cried out to e Lord, help me finish tis run..it was such a torture, temptatn of juz walking came.."can always train next wk wat"..horrible..but He did sustain me towards e end..it was quite a change from e marcus before e run..that is not it..

went to shepherd's hse to change,bathe n then went down his hse for lunch..we started sharing n he shared to me an area of my life dat i could grow more in: to listen and understand ppl more..at first, i'm like..hmm..nthg new..i learnt dat from my social work course..he said dat before..yet i do understand his heart..he shared w e intentn of wanting me to grow,not criticise..ok..when he mentioned a brother i could learn from..it juz struck me..dat is true man..my feelings of 'knowing it all' or 'i dun tink i can do more in tis area, i've given my best' were just replaced by "ya..dat's true..how come i was not proactive in this to learn from e brother" though e sharing was just like 45 mins or lesser..tot it was one of those 'aha' moments..i began to understand my own sister's feedback to me..i can be more sensitive to ppl's feelings..when i was like dismissing her comments initially..i started to understand what i am going thru tis few days..times of frustration, loneliness n lack of joy..e sharing helped me clarified a lot clearer..

n feeling humbled as i go thru e OT course more n more at e same time..it's like "comng to 6yrs in my walk w God..there is still a lot to learn n discovery abt God's character" literally taking baby steps..but at e same time eager to learn as well..i 'feared' every time after each session..as i realised more n more how unholy i am..cos e teacher spoke such anointed words from God as she shared how we can apply to our lives..it's like a heart surgery i feel as God's word came like a knife as he does e dissection n makes it clear e areas of weeds that i have grown/ignored..didn't think abt it..oh my! i need to be watchful..wat can be done to improve my health..
think there is more to come as I finish e course and take on a new one..reali need God's grace n strength..can't imagine e pain n anguish but w'd be a gd experience out of it :)

many a times i resembled e israelites: proud,complaining,ungrateful as they wandered thru e desert..yet God was still fatihful to them not becos of how gd they were..mind u they were slaves n a small race..but becos of love n e oath he made to e patriarchs..yup..they forgot abt God when they became rich n showed injustice to e poor,ignoring them in e bk of Amos until he had to correct them n reminds them of their former identity that they once were slaves..even in e Corinthians e same issue arise n Paul had to bring them back to Christ instead of them esteeming Paul,themselves or e wealth..

it's a dilemma for us in our society..how can we believers ctd to be Christlike? when we have stable jobs,material wealth,seeking for personal fulfilment..how to experience wat e apostles went thru-being paraded,mocked,ridiculed? i am not saying we dun but w'd our experiences of suffering paled in comparison to wat e apostles or e early church went thru'? prob much less intense n intimacy felt..but still suffering is relevant for us believers prob more of e life circumstances dat we went thru,how we persevere n trust in God to deliver us..it's still a daily affair for us believers to take up e cross, living a spirit-filled life instead of a monotonous,carnal life..it takes e attitude of faith n obedience to want to be Christlike in everyday living..

dat is wat i learnt today..from e run n e short lunch i had..seemed like a normal day but yet my heart is so humbled and renewed,liberated from all e struggling feelings n tots i had..thank God for dat..giving me e answer in such a fashion :)