my convo photos

me and the lecturer i respect and admire the most: Dr Ng Guan Tin though dun noe her veri well but tink her teaching style-consultative n making it relevant to e students and her heart of having her students' interests at heart impacts me quite a bit.hope she'd continue to inspire the future batches to come
me and guopeng..my social work course mate whom lke me still looking for jobs man..nice and sincere guy..admires his perseverance spirit n courage to take on life's challenges
me and gerard, one of my closer friends in social work..and guy as well..rare in our course..haha
me and some nus sisters:zhenzhu, guanzhen and calyn
me and some nus b brothers: nicholas, yeu ann, swee leong and hongdao
me,my mum, grandma n sister :)

closure..dreaming

enjoyed e time w Gerard and Guopeng yesterday..when we had fish head curry at Banana Leaf @ little india..then followed by beer @ Brewerkz at clarke quay..enjoyed life man..haha..not juz that..me n gerard reali shared our hearts to guopeng..help him to understand the value of salvation, even chipped in our personal testimonies along..how our Maker has changed us..overcome our weaknesses n be a better person..though he still feels that he needs time..but at least we have planted seeds in him..refreshed time for me as i had long time never share..thx God

tink Gerard has grown at his church..in terms of understanding of his salvation and even finding more joy in his life..it's quite evident..wat a closure..when initially he left..and now knowing that he is still trusting and serving Him..just put my heart at rest..things were different wih tis brother i talked to on sun..he seemed distracted and focused on what is immediate..how abt his relationship w God man? i not sure..yet it is a new beginning for him too..as he re-discover abt himself in Christ as he walks e ardous journey..it is an irony man..same faith everyone is having but yet different paths and pursuits to take..

it was a closure for me oso as i collected my gown on wed..reali not looking forward to e ceremony except e time of catching up n pleasing my parents..it's no big deal man..wat is a big deal for me is this new life stage that i had started? prob around 40 yrs..find it hard as i try to connect to my cg sis n her colleagues who are all teachers yest night..wasnt tt fruitful but reali are exposed to working ppl n wat they talk abt..prob they dun noe anything except my name..haha..yet it is not impossible oso..

there are new challenges man as Alan shared to us wat kind of working ppl he hopes us to be..everyone are all in diverse fields from entrepreneurs to teachers..it is across the spectrum..yet that's e exciting part to me..it is unventured territory..everyone adjusting n refining their personal convictions..i do tink of my calling, wat God has blessed me tt i have e strengths in..one thing is evangelism, sthg tt 've always in my heart since i come to e Lord..feels burdened to share n live it as a lifestyle..esp in our turmoil world, ppl need to hear e Good News..how they r spiritually dead and Christ want to reconcile to them, offering salvation and new life and purpose..it is my desire man..prob bring hundreds if not thousands of souls to cross e line directly or indirectly..in my lifetime..maybe preach in a big group setting if He opens the doors for me..dreaming tt i could pioneer a cg/unit @ hougang? haha..or maybe start a cg in sports-all runners/biathletes yet want to run for Christ n bring other runners oso..or at my workplace..

do hope to champion maintaining a balanced lifestyle, having both physical and spiritual fitness, growing healthily in these aspects..can't do with neither..esp living in a stress-filled n hectic city..learning how to find rest and keeping oneself alert is impt..all e money n spirituality can't substitute for health if this element is not there..you can enjoy but might not be to the fullest potential as God desires..n oso e need to be relevant and well-informed n connected..must say tis is an area tt i can grow a lot in..at least keeping oneself updated of latest trends n news..but reali look forward to how God w'd lead me to fulfil His plan for me..not juz e bread-and-butter issues-get a job, life partner etc..tink it's reali secondary..He'd give at the right time..sthg i believe strongly..not rushing yet seeking,anticipate how He'd bless..got an opening at TOUCH..e guy called me juz now but it has to deal w young children..not my forte..so didnt take up e offer..initially tinking wat a waste but yet i do not want to regret oso..reali need His guidance..i am open to any job but do not want to be hasty..jobs like shift work,rush deadlines..not tt keen man esp in banking or uniformed groups..tink it'd disrupt my future ministry..reali i need faith n discernment..

tinking of maybe i'd be a 9-6 worker but after dat it is ministry time! training for my running? going for courses? acting/fellowship..hmm..e analogy i tink of is prob like superman..holds a mundane office job but lives a secret n exciting life..ppl prob w'd be tinking n interested in my life n our church life?

busy but yet fulfiled, shine at workplace yet live a balanced life, confident yet humble n interested in helping others, inadequate yet bening used greatly by e Lord in weaknesses as a testimony..wow..i can only dream n believe it'd come to pass..

there are a lot of opportunities n possibilities in e adults ministry..one reali needs to have e courage n boldness to dare to imagine and dream big..pushing e boundaries of His kingdom..how much our ministry can reali prosper,growing and glorious is dependable on everyone, not juz alan or e leaders alone..

day dreaming...

finally started sending the resumes over the weekend..if not, will have guilt man especially I am just like watching soccer and nothing else..feels rejuvenated now..not the sluggish or easily tempted heart I experienced over the past few weeks..it’s like a new chapter has begun for me..according to MBTI, well, I am a Feeling personality, E-I(Introvert still though seems like more and more extroverted) Sensing and Perceivng..it’s quite a contrast say 6 yrs ago when I was in JC..prob people remembered me the most by how serious,blockhead and introvert as I was..to just wait for things to happen or believing many ways to live life as a Perceiving person is unimaginable for me that time..

Job-wise, I see myself opting in between Sensing and Intuition learning preferences..meaning to say that, as I have sent out the resumes reflected, either I will end up as an administrator,education/syllabus executive or the other extreme is to be a tour guide/event management such as managing sentosa facilites..haha..wow..it’d be a dream to pursue if it is God’s Will but now I look at photos with faith..can see myself enjoying the dynamics of discussion and marketing the attractions..receive good reviews from tourists..

It just seems so appealing to me..if not I will prob opt for what I am trained in, as a youth worker..thank God for an opening at TOUCH..it was posted like 2wks ago.it’s like pleasant surprises I receive from the Lord as I prioritise Him first in my life...gifts of His Rhema word for me, job openings, great fellowship..new gifts yet to be given out..he is testing me..and building his trust with me..till i pass the tests..ok, passed, let me restores u and unveil my Spirit and rewards unto you..

tink it was not easy for me initially to practise Matt 6:31-33 (NLT), “So don’t worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.”

Find myself struggling in between coming out of my own world to work on my personal struggles and know new people and outreach versus balancing with the time and energy needed to find jobs.but beginning to take heart and enjoy this period of testing in my life: continue to trust in His providence and guidance..it’s back to basics of following God..nothing complicated or intellectual..just as the kind of faith of Abraham possess..do not know what is ahead but just obey God and enters into new land..step by step, God just guides Him and he holds to His promises dearly and waiting for their fulfillment in his life..and it is credited as righteousness in God’s sight  want to have such faith as well

Otherwise, I have been enjoying this waiting period to catch up with friends. Reali appreciate those moments, though how short the time might be, but just being able to be open and honest with myself and listening to another friend share, it’s wonderful..tink it is not reali important to have close proximity as an important element in friendship though it is much desired..it can be measured by the number of years that one knows his friend or be it the same values or understanding. As such, it is sufficient for the friendship to go deeper..especially as working adults, the contact time for one another is like so much constrained but yet it is still possible for one to be reali deliberate and take the effort with every avail opportunity to be interested in your friends..tt’s prob enough..this speaks volume if not as much as close proximity or companionship..24-7 kind..have to be with you all the time..have to adapt myself man..

Pretty much immense in the world cup fever..impressed by how the Germans..power pack man! Especially the match against Sweden..i have nothing to say man..though it is on home ground and the whole country is behind them..they have great attitude and potent attack, simply attack from the first blow of the whistle..watching the tag team between Podoski and Klose is fantastic..how Klose fools the Swede defenders and shrewdly pass the ball to the waiting Podolski to hit the ball home with his lethal left foot…Philipp Lahm the leftback supplying the crosses and shoot as and when needed..not forgetting Ballack and Schneider controlling the pace of the game..fantastic man..Klinsmann is prob the most animated coach-jumping,express himself upfront,passionate so unlike other deadpan coaches behaving so indifferent when their teams perform..what a change of impression that they have created unlike the unfavorable reviews of the team at the start of the tournament..

There is more to come in due time..but for now...reali hope to do my part to outeach and advance God’s kingdom, to be reali counted for..despite our contact pool reali dry and long time never sow...hope to bring 3 souls into His kingdom by xmas and assist bros n sis to sow on their friends..another thing is probably how to spearhead the marathon training in my cg...seeing the jog/running group go off well..as what xiaoli puts it quite plainly..to be one that will bless our people and friends..tinks it is the same as our lives..as much as God has blessed us by giving His son to us, we will give our lives for Him to be used at His disposal..

Mark 8:34-37 (NLT), “Then he called his disciples and the crowds to come over and listen. “If any of you wants to be my follower,” he told them, “you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will find true life. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?”

It is so true..the kind of Self that we wage war against daily in order for us to serve Him..sometimes I cannot help but be disgusted by the self-absorbment that I have or see in people..the self-glorification and seeking for excessive personal attention..self-deceived by all that one is and have..that is why Jesus says, humble oneself and take up His cross, one of sacrifice, justified before God and not men, seek approval and security from Him and not men..preserving and taking care of one’s soul..no matter how one make a mark out there or be it a high flier or ordinary Joe..it is something every Christ follower will have to grasp with and appreciate..the worth of a growing and loving relationship with the Maker, not measured with what we are or have but who He is, die to Self and follow him

'resume'

role description as of 23/6/2006
-watcher
specialise in watching world cup matches n renting movies
-song archiever
play an active role to add new songs to pc archive; learning to be resourceful
-resource management
maximise ezylink card, plans journeys before every trip to ensure maximum usage in a bid to win e-stamp from sbs transit contest

(continued)
-dines often at home; send resumes
-involves in community involvement; believing in the potential of individuals and want to play a part in their holistic development
-personal interests include long distance running, catching up w ppl and meet new ppl as well


-starting pay: currently not receiving any but contribute to spore economy; in deficit but have hope at the same time; delight in contribution

haha..tis posting is juz a teaser..a break for me from writing all those cover letter(s) n resumes..

thoughts..

Finally woke up from my slumber..dun know how to describe it man..think I was basically preoccupied thinking of finding a job,relationships,personal development..can’t reali see I was reali dry when I was in it..dun feel much abt outreaching..such a basic thing but yet struggle to have the burden..despite being zealous in the past..

Reali detest my heart at times..how it can so easily wander off..how I can so easily give in to sins..yet want to please God, be blameless..desire after His character..it is such a true thing when God says about the need to cleanse and renew ourselves in him and by His Word daily..tis is something that takes conscious effort on myself to walk with His Spirit outside church setting..there is reali a difference between believing n walking or running with the Lord..no one is looking at me, who am I? God will purify and test me no matter how much I play church..how true it is..when He says..even young men stumble and fall..i experienced that..battling with displeasing thoughts throughout the day,relying on human wisdom,not relevation from God but they will walk and not stumble..run and not faint..soar on eagles’ wings..it is in Him i experience victory,grace and cleaned..able to move on

Was quite anxious about the need to find a job..when I looked around my cg..prob only me,kin wee,Robert and sijia yet to be employed..most of the unit people are already working..i need to be more proactive..not just sit there and expect doors to be opened..He says..knock and it will be opened..not pray and He will open for you..yet at the same time..enjoyed the ‘break’ as well..hmm..2 mths? haha

Managed to catch two plays last wk..the walls and mobile..must say an eye-opener for an amateur art patron like me..i feel as if I were transported to a new world..experiencing what the performers feel,behave though it was just a few props and dialogue that they utilized..i was quite impressed by ‘mobile’ how they just used two port container boxes for the many scenes..wow..inside,the sides,even the top of the container is used..for a scene at the sea...two characters standing on top.supposed to imply that they are in the boat inside..blue lighting came on and used to portray as the sea in turn at the background..

Well, my training regime continues..achieved my breakthrough of the first hour mark in non-stop running when I finished watching the brazil match against croatia..then off I went for my run..reali thank God for the world cup..the matches’ timing: 12-2,3-5..fits in nicely with my training..the sun can be avoided and I can enjoy the morning fresh air..perfect man..haha..ran to punggol end and back to compass point..1hr15mins..around there ba..cycled oso on fri at east coast..abt 10km..it’s quite fast cycling compared to running..prepared for the nus triathlon but no money..haha..well, we should see how..

Tink I am quite prepared to give up the triathlon if it means more money channeled towards sowing,ministry..but I am taking it as a chance to develop myself further and give glory to God oso as I train and can cause myself to be more relevant to working people..want to know new people which I struggle a lot, feel so comfortable in holy huddle..the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few..

Tot of the new life station also..veri new and challenging..seems that people have started work and made a mark for themselves..attached and courting and prepare towards marriage..convictions and beliefs about themselves and of the world are more or less fixed..how to make the gospel relevant for them? How do I prepare myself, to be trained..not even talking about making an impact in the marketplace ‘cos I dun think I am ready..wor..of course it varies for people..prob bros n sis who are employed by government will be safer at the veri least though they have their challenges..another group could be contented with they have like myself..the fellowship n church life and hardly engage with the world, prob breeds complacency and inertia..we can still choose the former but what will Jesus think about this?

Hmm..no straightforward answer..think for me, I most prob will be a heartlander for many years to come, spending most of my time serving the needs of my local community-hougang..social worker directly or indirectly..paying off my study loan..pioneering new ways of doing ministry and leading caregroups..being a voice for those in distress..tink ppl having mental sickness will rise due to urbanized and hectic living..reflecting these views to the authorities..making an impact starts from no one but myself and one person at a time quoting from the charcter-ngo activist from mobile play..
Maybe I will plant church and do humanitarian work..after I get married prob around 30..we will see how..Christ might have come back liao..tink it is veri important to live purposefully in His plan..be veri careful how we live, not acting thoughtlessly but try to understand what the Lord wants us to do..sums it all..

In the meantime..it’s world cup,triathlon,convo,sowing,discipleship and get a job till end-jul..lead me Lord as your servant runs with you..

honeymoon is over

well..its over liao..prob for me..time to reali start job hunting..no more training@ east coast like 4 days in a row?! cant believe i was doing that..had been an eventful 2 wks..worked as waiter n facilitator in alan's company..learnt a lot what is like to work out there..made mistakes along e way oso..prob i'd post in more details when i free..

for now, it's world cup for me! hoping for some African upset man though e usual teams making it thru e first round..my Bible map test is coming up..driving basic theory..convo..nus triathlon! but havent decided yet..rather low on cash..have to see about it man..want to watch slither,silent hill,scary movie4 n superman returns..all e S movies coming up! n plays oso-e Wall, Mobile n Cabaret! it's expensive man..just hope tt God w'd provide as i put Him first continually in my life..

time to move

was surprised to see social workers featured on channel u..tis programme on tues 930pm..feature youths who r in non-conventional job settings or interests craving a mark for themselves..feel proud to have studied tis course..glad my mum was watching it w me..at least she has a better understanding compared to initially when she opposed for no reason..tink it's reali a unique course who teaches u how to counsel ppl or e ways by which we can effect changes in them either directly or indirectly..though it's much of a remedial work esp dealing w ppl who r not e typical singaporean u will find..it's a challenge to be an agent of change..u encounter resistance at times but deep satisfaction when client responds well..their lives got improved n they continue to live on..the smiles they have when seeing u again r great man..hmm..prob i'd still help indirectly though not as a career..
tis is my dream one day..hope it'd be fulfiled soon man..swim,cycle n run..to be able to take part in a full triathlon..went swimming at east coast park today..by e coast..quite nice man..have been craving for tis for wks liao..a pity is e sun has come out liao..but e experience is juz great still :) enjoying e waves n juz persevering thru..there'd be more..haha..e closing date for nus triathlon is on wed..hmm..should i take part?

some memories tt i had esp e arsenal match last thurs morn..they put up a gd fight despite lehrmann been sent off..shouldnt have..just changed e whole style of e game..which ppl were eagerly anticipating from two attacking teams..still they persevered w sol campbell's header until 73th min..almost ending man..but eto scored..haiz..but i am gonna support them next season 'cos the young players have great potential man..w henry around to guide and inspire them..arsenal all e way while e same cannot be said for man u though

just gottten back results..all B- thank God! no da bao..was quite concerned wat if info systems da bao..but graduating w no pass w merit..missed it by 0.2..haha..nvm..i am just glad tt it's finnally over..now the time to find jobs..found one..it's at fei yue..they looking for guys..[This role covers a wide range of administrative functions, handling of salesenquiries and management of training equipment. It includes studentadministration, organization of workshops and logistics] looks like it's admin n log..we shall see..

have been quite lobo but enjoying the time oso..feels like nthg to do on some days esp like tis wk mon to wed..when e uni ppl have their camp..and i am not in touch w them till today..gosh..wat can i do man? thank God..helping church youth w their ymca-citibank social entrepreneur proj..yeah man..it's quite similar to proj acts..but they are doing it a big way..not bad..was at church office..it's a veri simple place yet e sisters working there..their hearts r dedicated to Him..at least time spent fulfiled for e past two days :)

nice places to run

just got these pictures from the Net..yup..it is punggol end-the three photos below..it's prob one of those few remaining sightseeing sites in singapore that is not given way to building flats n factories yet..hopefully e punggol flats ctd to remain unsold man..haha..ran from my hse to there some time back but had fond memories..it's juz a 1/2 hr run..the air is quite fresh along the way..if go early enough..

think can catch sunrise like what i did w jan last wk at kent ridge park as shown in the above photo :) but the above photo is sunset which can be seen there at the 'summit' of the park around 5-6pm..but sunrise at nus can be seen at the shortcut bet eng to sci along the back path just before u head down to sci..haiz..should get a digi cam..prob that'd explain things better..for me..think running is not so exciting compared to the sceneries that i can see as i run or the fellowship as i bond with other bros n sis who share the similar interest as me..upper pierce reservoir is next on my list! yeah! [tink i am too 'eng' liao..got so much time to post..better find a job soon.. :) ]

Want to thank God for what I study: social work..had been a great one man..no regrets though initially find it hard to make the decision especially it’s a female-dominated industry..yet it has much meaning compared to courses centered on numbers like economics..reali no knack for me in them..haha..like to specially mention Dr Ng..she taught me gender and community family service..finds that she has the heart of the students in her..someone who is truly knowledgeable and has the sw cause in mind..wanting to make it relevant and practical for us..her notes not too dense for me to understand also..haha

There is just quite a number of friends that I like to mention..but can’t remember all of them..still remembered when I was in yr1 1st sem..how I was quite afraid and felt alone in school ‘cos most of my peers are in ntu doing engineering yet me and a few others jc classmates went to nus..and me doing arts and social work..unthinkable..enjoyed the time in my ts play exam..with girls once again..haha..never so exposed and worked closely with the opposite gender..hmm..maybe in boys school and ns for 12 yrs..haha..still admire elissa who was the director yet she pursued excellence and always not afraid to speak her mind despite we actors not doing a good job..she’s a strong person considering what she went thru and never bowed down..

Remembered my counsel proj with kaiqi,angeline,yilin and jiayan..it’s an enjoyable time filming our counseling video despite getting a mediocre grade..still..how we bonded and gave all my best into it..plus the many funny moments how we joked with one another..Tink there’s a lot of wonderful memories that I went through including the valley periods as well when I just could not see God’s light as I walked in darkness facing all kinds of negative emotions about myself and people all the time and there’s nothing I can do about it...it’s painful to think back..but thankful that God sustains me by his grace and brought me back to his arms again..how the Word bring down my defensive mechanisms like a double-edged sword penetrating deep into my soul..every unrealistic belief n thought is shaped,adjusted-not magnify/minimize as He prunes..and how He relentless purify and consecrate a weedful heart to be one that is given to Him bit by bit..truly a work of His and His alone deserves all the credit..a work that continue to remain in progress until the day the Lord returns

snapshots2

Nothing can describe better than pictures..have been enjoying myself since my last paper on 29th april..remembered this shot that was taken when I went tamar’s house last fri..her house had a veri gd view..can see the whole imh..sengkang and beyond..such a nice place where i stayed at..tried running to punggol end..new estate but a lot in store..some greenery sites still exist and there r some tracks for cycling!

Went to the worker’s party rally at serangoon stadium..it’s just fascinating..how the opposition manages to get the right act..not all parties but workers’ party..somehow my hearts goes out to them..finds that the post-65 generation needs new hope and revitalization than the rigid, dogmatic and suppressed political climate that they have come to know and believed in..in any sense, it is not good for Singapore’s overall development..not so much which party is in power..my salutes to the ‘suicide’ teams which contested in amk,east coast and ajunied grcs..young,passionate,inexperienced yet not afraid to take on the heavyweights not being afraid to lose at all..this is prob the first time I have seen this in all my years of watching the political scene in Singapore..

Tink it stirred up in me the need to be discerning and not listen to one perspective of things merely..there is this increased social consciousness to see beyond the here and now..something than the pursuit of material wealth and how God can be in the picture as well..in the bigger realms of things..to be concerned about policies,what kind of singapore we want to shape into..how do we measure with other countries…what needs to be done...we shall see how the oppositition fare in the next election =)

This is also another group of young people I have hope in and proud of them..though barely know crystal,guanrui and zhenzhu and have to bid farewell..but just thank God for them wanting to grow and take ownership of the nus ministry..though young but not afraid to set an example for the believers..wanting to pursue after the Lord..reali pray that they will continue to grow in their understanding of God’s ways and follow after claramae,ben and shirley as they follow the Lord..

Enjoyed the time at swee leong’s house yesterday..ran at bedok reservoir first then went back to his house..he has changed quite a bit looking at the photos..haha..so glad for the time that we just shared about ourselves and family..tink that’s how we are bonded regardless of how old or young we are..hope to see him grow in maturity as he built his heart centered upon God’s Word and Spirit..thankful that he is finding his place in His house to serve and be involved..

And also hongtao..thank God for this brother’s life..he shared that he did not understand why initially I always ‘stick’ with him..haha..tink I also..finds it hard to talk to him ‘cos he doesn’t share much man..but yet things changed when he came to know the Lord..how he grew to understand and experienced God’s love in his life and to know that it is His love that will motivates Him and pursue after what life has to offer

Talked to benglee also on tues morning..so long man never talked to him..at least some of my misunderstandings are clear about him..tink not easy for him in his walk with God but he continues to try and persevere on no matter what..reali hope he will find his place in the new cg and that he can connect with the year4s who are left in the ministry..

I must say I look quite young in this shot..similarly for my sisters..haha..so fast time has passed..but enjoyed the time in my dmm..blessed to receive the support from my fellow peers..want to thank God for Shirley..think initially reali dun noe her well and have some misunderstanding yet tink I have been quite influenced by her pursuit after the Lord, so honoring in the way she lives out her life..word-centered and preaches God’s Word with authority..not afraid to share the truth yet with understanding and love..discerning and always want to advance God’s kingdom forcefully..truly a woman of God..hope and pray that she will inspire the younger ones and see succession

This is my new caregroup NG14A1..it is a big one..haha..not sure how we are going to work out but want to remain hopeful man..so glad to move on with my shepherd, zewei..another person who has made a great impact in my life..i tink, other than God, a big factor why I can be who I am today is him man..remembered the initial times when just have a lot of fears in opening up my life to him..reali a big struggle but yet he continue to inspire hope in me and bearing with all my weaknesses..it’s thru him I have the chance to perform in church, to see that I can have the potential in this area..not just that, but tink his life is a very attractive one for me to follow after..the zeal he has in wanting to be an active learner, real,humble and willing to be open and vulnerable..how he can so easily establish rapport with people and connects to their hearts..good stewardship of his talents..there is just so much I can learn from him...and reali want to follow him man with all my heart probably for the rest of my life..thank God for him!

Glad also that kinwee is moving on also..seen how God preserved his heart despite having to battle with depression..have been strenuous for me at times but yet experienced how He sustains and gives me the love and hope to take care of him..just started the purpose-driven life series together with him..hope can get some discipline worked out in our lives..at least more focused and not wasting time..

Must say a bit lost as to what I want to do..more free time..no longer a CL but member..haha..yet I treasure tis time that I have..somehow dun want to find a perm job so fast..in my heart somehow have the faith to trust that he will provide..but just want to take this 2/3 mths to disciple the nus brothers well..keeping myself available to impart all I know about sowing and my convictions to them..and lay out my options of finding a job

Tinking of going into social work as a youth worker..but attracted to other services industries like tourism ,hotel and entertainment..as a hearlander, I dream of impacting people in the northeast region such as the newer estates like sengkang, punggol and hougang..like the place where I stay here..seems so strategic,not so dense landscape and have the sparse areas like the punggol end and some parts of sengkang..to me, think its more rewarding to serve and be in direct connection with the ground and people than in a deskbound job stuck in an office..hmm..

In the meantime..it’s my first Hope Sem course I going next fri! my first time man going for extended bible class..exciting man..and have to prepare myself for it..prob I going for the nus triathlon end-jul..quite keen about it also..n the marathons too..look forward to volunteering in hope centre to run the holiday youth programmes, do my part to give to breakthrough pledge! read up on theatre,language,middle east,soccer..build upon what i have attained!

my love language :)

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		11
Acts of Service:		10
Words of Affirmation:		5
Physical Touch:		2
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

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my tots..

now getting a break of some sort..trying to do some reading but nthg seems to go in..nvm..haha..anyway..'ve been following e election campaign n watch e dialogue bet mm n e young voters..cannot help but surprised by e qns tt they asked..seemed like they can't give e senior leader time to answer but just too anxious to express themselves..maybe it's just an 1-hr show and they have so much to say..but oso enjoy how mm take it w poise and answered, sharing his insights tt are quite enlightening..

at least, after e dialogue..a few things seem clearer to me..i do think it's true tt e fear which is instilled in ourselves, tis 'self-censorship' that we carried upon ourselves w e idea tt we w'd be marked if we vote for e opposition or charged if wat we say is dissenting..i dun tink it's true but wat is more impt that watever we say are responsible carried w respect n balance..not necessarily an outburst of emotions..thinking abt it, i guess e democracy that we practise is uniquely singaporean way of doing so man..it's hard for us to 100% copy and paste wat e western countries are doing it neither should we reject them totally. tis is because of our history and e circumstances that caused us to be a nation not out of our will.. to disregard wat e govt has been doing for e past 40 yrs is unfair as well. after all, we are just a tiny red dot, supposed to belong to a hinterland..they have taken e pain to bring us to where we are today..giving us a life..yes..in dat sense, politics is life oso..shelter,job,security,success..they have given us..

however, e new electorate never grows up in e era of e founding yrs..how realistic and relevant can e ruling party meet their needs? tis is a gp that grows up w e internet..travels often,well-educated n informed..e question of having an opposition does not seem that impt in tis context as they have much to show and prove which is yet to be seen when they close their ranks..until then, we can only rely on e ruling party and trust that it continues to deliver as it has but w'd be increasingly difficult in an uncetain world that keeps on moving faster n faster..

yet elections is most prob a sign of mandate for e ruling party n sign of renewal..nthg spectacular in itself..there r more impt things to be concerned,how to keep tis 4m race to be continually relevant to e world even as others tink of us as 'stupid'..oh yes..we might follow e books or rely upon e govt but there's e way we are..n proud of it..i cannot help but tink of wat it'd mean as a soon-to-be fresh grad..noticing tt we've done well in e commonwealth n SEA games n our nation becoming a common m.i.c.e hub..tt's just so much in store..i am dreaming that it is possible tt we can be in e world cup one day..win tt olympic gold medal..e sense of pride n joy of being a singaporean and a christian as well..is it possible for a hope member to join e entertainment scene..look at fiona xie,joanne peh..they r young,educated..yet they r earning millions man..if we 've just 3 million..that'd settle our church debts man..feels burdened and want to do my part..tt 12k mthly interest can be such a burden n hindrance to expanding our ministries..

after all, we r products of a gd education system, billingual,well-exposed..it's so hard for korean/chinese artistes to break into western markets becos of language barriers..yet we have these strengths in us..we can learn from our counterparts like finland,UAE,ivory coast,despite being small yet they have much to offer e world..even as i cast my first vote, i guess it's not just whether e ruling party continues to remain in power or not dat simple..but as a singaporean n Christ follower..looking ahead w hope n optimism..wanting to play a part to make tis red dot n Christ shine brightly! :)

memories

was juz reflecting for a while..veri soon i'd grad no matter how i do in e upcoming exams..w'd be one of e many countless graduates in e streets..haha..my degree is juz a normal one..i am oso an ordinary Chinese guy, looks studious n decent..have e science look-reserved n normal..ya lo..compared myself w any other guy, prob w'd lose out quite a bit..at least he w'd have sent his resume, gone for many interviews..joined some clubs in sch-involved in projects..experienced hall life n other aspects of a typical life centered around worldly values n passions like achievements,many unique life experiences n e list goes on..

but tink God convicts in my heart juz now as i came across e verse in Matt 6:19-21 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth n rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." i was reminded how God refined tis truth in my heart despite juz finished ord some 3 yrs back..was a big struggle for me..prob my carnal self at work-desired a lot of worldly success in my jc days..even when i served then, can't help but want to compare w ppl around..

yr1-was not in nus gp yet..in pre-tertiary then..trying to pioneer cg in all e East jcs..had to work to have e money for myself and ministry..topped up tissue papers at vending machines in smrt toilets incl ladies oso..haha..not easy money to earn..felt tempted so many times to quit and juz be active in sch activities..did not see a lot of fruit in ministry at dat time

yr2-things got better when i moved on to nus gp..not initially..struggled to go to hq, feels dat cannot connect w ppl..but God convicted me during church camp..e need to put e past behind and move on ahead w him..thank God for e renewal..pioneered e arts ground together w robert n weizhu..saw some fruit man..tink tt time our cg filled e whole one row in nexus auditorium..all brothers mind you..amazing..i started to capture e impt n urgency of saving souls..rewarding to see them cross e line..want to help ppl experience dat..experienced his grace oso when he helped me get my best results in sem3 n take care of my finances

yet i lost quite a bit of focus..tot tt evangelism was e only key impt thing..got self-absorbed n proud..tot dat i had it all success in ministry n studies as well..but thank God for his work in me..he brought me back to him after receviing my worst results right after getting my best results..brought out my weaknesses during e attachment..mediocre..i started to understand abt myself..have a true sense of where i stand..in e midst of giving it all in e bid to save our uni ministry..i discover abt God all again..a fresh perspective abt salvation,identity in him with better understanding n a more attentive heart to hear..

yr3-needless to say..i discovered tt i am a piece of a jigsaw puzzle in e whole scheme of things..contributing in my own way extending the kingdom of God..feels sad when hears tt ppl want to go for internship during e holidays..not saying it's wrong in dat sense..but how much is dat value of a 3-mth work experience compared to serving a great God n be used by Him despite a sinner to populate His kingdom..priceless, money can't buy dat..no other thing can brings tis much satisfaction..i went thru dat phase of being tested and tempted..worked for a mth during e holidays during end-yr1..mundane,feels alone,void and deprived of fellowship..always look forward to after work..haha..

i came to realise n begininng to believe more n more..at e end, it's ppl, our souls who'd last into eternity..not our cca credentials,talents,wealth no wonder Paul is so sure abt it tt he considers them as rubbish as he look to Jesus..things change when He is in our heart..thank God for dat..where yr treasure is, there yr heart w'd be..

selection

like this film a lot man..it talks about how Israel plotted its revenge in response to the assassination of its athletes by the palestinians during the 1972 munich olympics. it is not as simple as a assassin kind of movie but explores the theme of nationhood, family and one's struggles when faced with a task having to hunt down the assassins as portrayed veri well by eric bana. the boundaries of what is right and wrong become blurred and allows the audience to question and answer for themselves.

thank God for my js presentation..think my gp was not that outstanding in terms of the work or format of presentation..but we hit the point that most of the other groups did not manage to do so..that is to understand the japanese society and culture thru the film instead of focusing solely on the film..funny and focused at the same time



thank God for my ts presentation..js was on tues..ts juz right after js..yesterday..xiong man..it is oso one that we are all reali raw man..not much marketing experience comapred to other gps..all the jargon,skills..supposed to market our play..coming up w strategies in a proposal..i find myself learning a lot from this esp how to network n be sensitive to changing trends..me and another proj mate were praying hard for God to answer n give us the wisdom..reali a lot of last min work man..consider the fact that one of our proj gp mate had been absent for some valid reasons..were juz 4 of us man..but it turned out well..think we reali put in the effort to go down to e venue of play, asked many questions and take it seriously..hope to build up this basic skills that i have acquired and see how i can extend God's kingdom thru this man..

finding strength

juz came back from discussn for my ts marketing proposal discussion..was so thankful dat God has blessed e JS presentation yesterday..these few days had been a diffcult one to go thru..not pertaining abt studies alone..reali not my main priority of concern..but tink wat claramae shared during subD was quite timely..habbakuk was like asking God why did he allow evil to prevail or circumstances he did not understand to happen..i was in similar situation..could not come to terms with wat is happening in my life..why people's hearts can change or grow cold..yet acutely aware dat e heart is deceitful n sinful at e same time..after all, it's a human heart we having

yet can sense e Lord giving me e strength despite what happened..felt quite helpless how to support tis brother..normally quite stuck but experience God's wisdom n confidence as i spoke to him juz now..was looking thru my growth plans from sep'05-apr'06..almost all the plans came to pass! praise e Lord for his faithfulness..examples incl taking care of 2 yr1 brothers..learning to be Christ-centered more..preparing for working life..i am experiencing something tt i had never felt..despite feeling disappointed,negative..failed e same spiritual test again..but there's tis peace in my heart, less anxious/self-condemned but i can pick up from here..can rejoice in him..nothing gonna keep me down man..his word will forever stay forever..even if ppl change or myself get distracted..

snapshots of past events

dec 2004: went for district leadership course..from there, given e privilege to serve His ppl..dun reali feel convicted initially..had some struggles such as whether i am up to it..it'd take more of my time, faced w more disappointment,tiredness..less of myself..it did happen..did not do well in my studies not merely becos i serve but other accompanying factors as well..not reali in touch w frenz outside church..coping n learning to grow to relate to ppl better,being more open abt myself..feel misunderstood/not understood...but as i looked at e events tt happened tis few mths since e matric last yr..it's quite worth it after all.. :) glad to grow to take more ownership of his calling for me..wasn't easy...humbled many times..feel like juz being myself..but yet when i experience His grace as He leads me n the many bros n sis' lives tt were transformed by e Lord's love..could not help but give thanks..thankful tt given tis chance to serve..


3th feb: subD part for our new believers-swee leong,calyn,kaili,hongtao n huanyan! funny n touching

23th feb: me and hongdao's birthday! great time of sharing n fellowship

19th feb: water baptism of our nus bros n sis..wat a joyous occasion..all together 13 of them..PTL!

wat i have been doing

juz revised my gender lect notes..quite enjoy e modules i taking tis sem..gender,mental illness,theatre marketing,jap film n anime n IT systems..mostly jap film n mental ba..no pressure to do hons..so can slack..haha n enjoy e modules more oso..quite exposed to jap n e way e way their films r made..though totally new to me man..but it's much different than e typical hollywood mainstream kind of movies..argh..not going to watch tis kind for some time but i guess more indp films..content tends to be richer n less binded by industry stds..

enjoying oso my shepherding time..esp last sun ba..juz went shopping w kin wee after going to e career fair at suntec..we juz talk, shop..he bought a bag in e end..i didnt buy anything though a pair of fresstyle aid gloves n paddles caught my eye..haha..quite interested to use freestyle for future biathlons..enjoyed yesterday's dmm oso..shirl was juz sharing abt a few things..i tot it's quite timely n worth thinking abt..despite a busy wk of rushing my work n 2 days of surveying..oh man..at last..

her sharing caused me to tink oso wat i should be doing after grad..i was quite inspired by e tourism sector during e career fair..tot of being a tour guide man..happy-go-lucky kind of life enjoy e sun n wat e island has to offer..but u dun need a degree to do tt..haha..i wonder how God w'd see me oso..tot of another choice tt's joining e govt bureaucracy..get things done, higher level of efficiency n pdty..cut costs/wastes..haha...last one prob is wat my heart still interested man..working w youths directly..so thxful..went to hope ctre's briefing abt e ymca-citibank youth cause proj..

i was somewat re-kindled again as i shared my experiences w e adults ppl..hmm..thankful tt i'm now less impatient,juz want to rush to get a job but i tink e whole process is 1 step at a time..resume>interview>wait for job not resume>got e job! actuali tot of working in nus..can still be invol in ministry here but hmm..no opening..haha..guess there'd be many changes coming my n our way..next few wks..transistion to new life..cg changes..new faces..new culture/lifestyle..wor..but can trust in God's faithfulness..juz rem how he helped me when i was abt to ord..did surveying..taking care of cg after book out..n he juz take care of e rest man..did my FFI in a few hrs' time..took care of my finances/sch admissn..

and her sharing oso gave me n us a fair-weathered assessment of ourselves n our cgs man..i realise tt it takes more than juz brute force or being merely faithful n dilligence to take care of ppl..it's much more than tt..it's abt how to contextualise yr sharing such tt it ministers to yr hearer..it takes skill yes but more imptly e heart n sensitivity from e HS..a factor comes from e quality of my qt..how responsive is my heart to God n linking enough of God's Word to wat's happening in my life..sthg to tink abt..guess i reali realise tt shepherding or other areas of my life it is a lifelong journey to learn n re-learn..no such thing as a final destination only when we die n go to heaven..hmm..guess i'm gonna to be veri focused which is not my strength-distracted easily by emotions..but juz do my best to avail,grow for His kingdom..esp discipling e brothers..n develop myself for e next lap in adults ministry:theatre,social work,drive,language,IT,finance n fitness..all for his glory!

26th feb

so tired..just came back from Fu Sem but it was refreshing man..to re-learn some of e FU modules tt i was taught previously..actuali dun noe much for some of it..at least it helps me to be more sensitive and aware..guess tis is wat i am looking forward to in tis new yr..learn n re-learn

my birthday wishes
1. hope to be a effective male disciple-maker even if i slowly relinquish my CL duties in the view of moving on to adults soon man..but will still take care of e nus brothers..guess it's gd in e sense tt can now be fully devoted to discipleship, dun 've to tink so much abt cg..do feel burdened and ownership over e brothers in my unit..quite encouraged when heard from benglee how they have come together to make e gifts for e sis or even for me & hongtao's birthday..how they have given their time,effort and sacrifice..thanks bros! but we must grow from here..to be more outward-looking n consistent in our walk w God as we prep for May's matric season

2. my 2nd wish is to grow oso in my emotional and spiritual well-being..God has reminded me twice tt e time ahead w'd not be an easy one whether is it finding or integrated into my job..he warned me to guard my heart attitudes..tt's quite a revelation esp e most recent one..juz before my birthday cel..hmm...guess it's only pregorative tt i take note of it n not lose sight..thus my prayers n wish is to be more God-conscious n humble wherever i am in..though no more a CL in adults but want to take e break to grow myself..n emotional oso to grow to find more joy, positivity and trusting n loving towards ppl..yup..not oil in water but part of it and re-connect w my non-hope frenz..was quite lost for words when i received no sms from my non-christian frenz..gosh..where r they?

3.experience more breakthrus which i tink it'd juz come when i seek after God and His kingdom
physical>go for AHM, full marathon and triathlon next yr! w'd be quite sthg tis yr round man esp some of e bros r going for it man..more ppl going oso
financial>hope to give my pledge to God..almost forgot abt it if not e breakthru sermon..dun noe how but God u juz lead e road for me
theatre>it'd be quite sthg taking part in tis big-scale production at kallang theatre..wow..w'd be a lot of work but sthg to look forward being used by Him..hope oso can carry on tis area be it dance,writing scripts..there can be continuation..want to film some movies for God.tis is one of my dreams
career>driving, learn Spanish and acquire financial and IT knowledge..tis is not so immediate but my stint at adults e next 6 yrs maybe? will prep me for my church planting stint be4 i turn 30..

thanks so much to u Lord for blessing me tis chance to serve u Lord..in tis nus family though a short one..reali enjoyed e past wk though not much studying..haha..again..but started liao..surrounded by such a huge cloud of like-minded bros n sis who desire to give their lives to Him..learnt tt i am juz a piece of jigsaw puzzle, no big deal abt me and comparing w other ppl,look narrowly at ppl based on wat they have achieved for Him n theri worth in Him..terrible man..tink abt my achievements n dwell in e past..found out how Gerard they all are doing oso..e laughters and sharing at essential brew..enjoyed every moment quite a contrast to last yr's..less rara..but attitudes of blessing e birthday person n giving e best still remains..

guess it's another new chapter for me..as i have a better sense of myself, my strengths n weaknesses esp at ease with weaknesses or even failing/making mistakes..not taking so hard on oneself but move forward..tink i am oso a very shy and quiet person by nature..dun dare to be open for do not noe how others w'd see me..prideful n insecure when receiving their feedback..gosh..

thank you Lord for giving me tis new self..i want to remain in you and not my past or myself..help me Lord..more breakthrus for u! : )

baal perazim

still reminscent of yesterday..quite eventful man..had my biathlon in the late morning..my wave was at 11..e swim was like a rite of passage for me..it seems so elusive yet had fond memories of it..swam 2 rounds..to n fro from one end to e other of tanjung beach..guessed it's my first time n my swimming isn't tt good all along..e fear of having to clock under 40mins bothered me too..but it turned out to be 50mins..think my time was around 47..still thk God for e experience..after i finished my first rd..reali feel exhausted..but i juz prayed n was filled again! quite enjoyed e swim though slow..feels good..not too cold n there r ppl around oso..

but tink i almost forgot e running part..haha..i reali dreaded it man..for e most part of it..e weather was scorching n i was in t-shirt, not singlet..make things worse..gosh..ran most part but walked a bit oso..thx to kenneth who cheered me on..ran together for e last stretch..thx bro..n all my bros n sis who prayed for me! yr prayers n encouragement keep me going man!! : )

Rank RaceNr Name Wave Team Category Swim RunCP1 RunTime Finish
255 7293 Tan Wee Shen 9 Full Mens Open 00:46:53 00:17:33 01:05:05 01:51:57
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oso encouraged to see so many nus bros n sis getting water baptised..great man..it's like e first step that they take to want to obey God and commit their lives to Him..e beginning of a walk that is w Him..though treacherous at times but it is secure, way to everlasting life..life tt's fulfiled n used for His glory..can't wait to see them rise up to be ministers of his truth n service..

guess it describes wat i hope to see in walk w God oso..as david puts it aptly, "As waters break out, God has broken out agst my enemies by my hand." hope to see spillover effects even as i experience breakthrus in my physical limitations..in my relationships w bros n sis,frenz n family..in applying for jobs..understanding of e Word-going deeper..personal struggles..much more i desire of u Lord..

it's reali nthg to complete e biathlon..might find temporary pride but at e heart of it tt's e not main reason for taking part..it's oso quite boring in itself..i'd prefer other interests..but it's a gift of my svc to e Lord to want to avail myself to Him..want to follow Him n e bros n sis tt he has blessed me incl my shepherd n leaders..though i like e endurance aspect of it too..want to see that in my walk w u Lord..reali go to a new chapter, understanding n maturity in e yr 2006..yeah!

breather

last few wks can be described as a whirlwind for me man..blown n tossed here to there but in the right direction..haha seriously have not served and experienced God like tis before tis 5 yrs n 4mths man..but it's a gd thing..in many areas of my life, do feel that i have reached the bottlenecks of God's grace in my life..be it minstering to my sheeps,studies and even personal struggles..

do feel contrite and desperate for Him on tues morning..i do not know what to do next to talk to my sheeps..burdened yet helpless..even wed during my swim trial..feel so inadequate n fearful..thurs when i prep cg and wat to share..there's a sense of uncertainty and dun noe if i'm doing e right thing..even last fri..i feel pressured and anxious if e nb party would turn out fine..oh man

yet despite having all tis feelings..He is faithful..He exchanged all tis feelings with his..helpless > understanding n sensitivity, inadequate > confidence in Him, uncertainty > clear in y mind n convicted of wat i share, anxious > peace n success

prob a yr back..i'm still living in darkness plagued w pride, negativity and insecurity..i still have tis tendencies here n there..but reali exploring w God as He leads me onto tis uncharted path..never ventured before..used to be me juz satisfied w where I am..dun tink dat i need to grow or want to grow or be stretched..I noe wat i am doing..no need any feedback hmm..looks like things w'd be quite different for now..same person but new! perspective n attitude

hope to see my ppl grow oso in being more sensitive to God for our lives..living a life tt fears Him and desire to love n obey Him more..personal n public life in sync..there is consistency man..move ahead in relationship w Him n His ppl, not carrying excess baggages of e past

God, give me e courage to love yr truth even much more..reali like Jeremiah whose heart is consumed w God's truth tt he cannot juz remain silent n numb but speaks at all times no matter how ppl respond w love for his ppl, gentleness n respect..reali admire his perseverance-how he has to speak e truth to his ppl whose hearts r so hardened n regard nthg of wat he says..he has to speak to ppl that they are going to die man..i juz can't believe it how it'd be like if i were him..prob i'd give up half way..it's too tough a job

PS:remembered watching lots of movies..promise,seven swords,black rain,rhaspody of August,i not stupid2..looking forward to e nus arts festival,biathlon,career fair,imh visit..hope to do my best for all e tests n assignments tt are coming up..can pass well man..let's see how He will unfold his plans for me..i'm following after u Lord