breather

last few wks can be described as a whirlwind for me man..blown n tossed here to there but in the right direction..haha seriously have not served and experienced God like tis before tis 5 yrs n 4mths man..but it's a gd thing..in many areas of my life, do feel that i have reached the bottlenecks of God's grace in my life..be it minstering to my sheeps,studies and even personal struggles..

do feel contrite and desperate for Him on tues morning..i do not know what to do next to talk to my sheeps..burdened yet helpless..even wed during my swim trial..feel so inadequate n fearful..thurs when i prep cg and wat to share..there's a sense of uncertainty and dun noe if i'm doing e right thing..even last fri..i feel pressured and anxious if e nb party would turn out fine..oh man

yet despite having all tis feelings..He is faithful..He exchanged all tis feelings with his..helpless > understanding n sensitivity, inadequate > confidence in Him, uncertainty > clear in y mind n convicted of wat i share, anxious > peace n success

prob a yr back..i'm still living in darkness plagued w pride, negativity and insecurity..i still have tis tendencies here n there..but reali exploring w God as He leads me onto tis uncharted path..never ventured before..used to be me juz satisfied w where I am..dun tink dat i need to grow or want to grow or be stretched..I noe wat i am doing..no need any feedback hmm..looks like things w'd be quite different for now..same person but new! perspective n attitude

hope to see my ppl grow oso in being more sensitive to God for our lives..living a life tt fears Him and desire to love n obey Him more..personal n public life in sync..there is consistency man..move ahead in relationship w Him n His ppl, not carrying excess baggages of e past

God, give me e courage to love yr truth even much more..reali like Jeremiah whose heart is consumed w God's truth tt he cannot juz remain silent n numb but speaks at all times no matter how ppl respond w love for his ppl, gentleness n respect..reali admire his perseverance-how he has to speak e truth to his ppl whose hearts r so hardened n regard nthg of wat he says..he has to speak to ppl that they are going to die man..i juz can't believe it how it'd be like if i were him..prob i'd give up half way..it's too tough a job

PS:remembered watching lots of movies..promise,seven swords,black rain,rhaspody of August,i not stupid2..looking forward to e nus arts festival,biathlon,career fair,imh visit..hope to do my best for all e tests n assignments tt are coming up..can pass well man..let's see how He will unfold his plans for me..i'm following after u Lord