reflectns..

it was our jersey's day! two weeks back if i remembered correctly..think i am more settled down in adults..comapred to a few mths back..e pace of ministry is much slower here..but more natural in a sense oso..prob longer ministry lifespan i suppose..more time to bond and reali noe n share lives together..i enjoyed e time after our anniversary on celebratn..went to fish n co n ktv..yes..expensive man..seems a lot of money..it is esp tight for unemployed folks like me..haha..but ok la..got e chance to see e singing talents in my cg: zhiyun,jacky n jiaxiang..guess my cg still relatively new to one another but guess it's only a matter of time before we'd be close..

tinking abt relationships,drawing regular salary n wat to do w it n being in e same cg n not changing for some time to come..wor..must say it is still daunting for me,a not-so-fresh grad..haha..one step at a time i suppose..

imptly i learn to take more personal ownership in my walk w God or even other areas of my life..make sense oso..now an adult no longer a student..though do miss e xiong part of uni ministry..e challenges of balancing studies n ministry and replacing e grads w new ppl..can reali grow n experience God and His grace a lot..how he use every bro n sis to play their part..was refreshed when i went back to visit my ex-cg..esp their zeal in e things of God..somehow i seemed to lose a bit of it in adults..not sure man..but for working ppl seemed to be a lot abt maintaining our faith..keeping our heart for Him though lesser ministry commitment..

joined their cg..glad to see e young ones like swee leong,calyn,guanrui,zhenzhu n crystal taking up roles in e cg..tis is after all their ministry now literally..but do hope dat they'd be close frenz to one another as well..not juz abt having fun n new ideas in cg..novelty anyone can tink abt it..but i came to realise dat in any ministry dat i am in..a few ingredients have to be there no matter wat:
>loving God n ppl: it's so simple but yet it can be hard to do so as well..it has to come from within e person..who noes e heart better than ourselves? sometimes we dun even noe and God have to speak to us thru e Word or thru shepherds..
>be bonded together in e same spirit regardless of differences: e beautiful thing abt our faith is dat it can unite ppl coming from diverse differences yet we can worship e same God n serve together..of course e drawback is dat we come together as well w our own ministry experiences esp in adults i realise..some were from usm,same like me was from nus..or even some of e bros n sis stayed in min hse..it affects e way each of us live our lives..even e lens dat we use to evaluate abt life w'd inevitably be coloured by e unique life experiences dat we have..which can be radically different from e rest..

rem having a bias agst tis sis some wks back..dun understand how she sees things..feels dat she has changed..or doubt her motives at times: is it for herself or Christ..it took me quite a while to realise dat i have been using my lens to look at her..of course i'd be angry and irritated..i did judge her but yet motivated by Christ's love, took e courage to talk to her..esp keeping myself open n hearing her side of e story..appreciate her lens..it is not easy as it requires humility n openess to share my frank tots..but believe as well Christ will help to reconcile bet me and her which it did..i hope..at least i've understood abt her and how she feels and think..

(i felt liberated from all e negative tots i had, no second-guessing/pre-judgment/envy/bitterness for many days..rem it got worse as watever she says got further reinforced in me.."aiyah, she' like dat one la"..obviously minimise my contact time w her as much as i can..rem she sms me, find out how i am..i struggled to reply her which i w'd normally..i did not do so..my heart didnt' want to do so..) but tis cannot carry on..what w'd God's response be?

thank God..tinking back..had talked to her..i guess i am someone who does not like confrontation pref to be nice than speak e truth..even if it means suppressing n keeping to myself..well i can be deceived, yes and say dat God w'd heal my heart n give me grace..well it only works sometimes..in fact marginal effect as i've learnt..tink God wants us to grow in love and understanding towards one another..more imptly..He puts us together to learn to love one another n then discover his purpose in e process..sometimes i feel tis is prob more impt than e usual ministry expectations such as outreaching,want to see e gp grow or hit goals..as ps jeff mentioned before in his sermon..
1st John 4:7-8,"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

last night's match was just spectacular..haven't seen arsenal in such gd form for some time esp catching them in e opening game which was mediocre..it was quite obvious dat man u was weakening in their defence..esp ferdinand n brown..there were a few lapses..it was so nice to watch when emmanuel came on initially to try his chances of getting e ball into e net..it was a match of equals..and all e more memorable for arsenal who had yet to secure a first win..i believe tis win w'd be a huge boast to them psychologically and hope they w'd ctd to be in form from here..my heart is w them man..haha

dun reali wanna to think abt job..whole world has been asking..haha..i oso want to noe man..but i'd receive ans from God in His time..otherwise i take it dat i'm working soon..have been catching up w as many ppl as possible..
-my unit ppl:such a long time since i last met them which is like literally after ord..no keeping in touch till now..realised dat everyone is pursuing so different paths..some working in big mncs..some trying to do so..many are in relationships..got cars..having an active social life..do feel veri small but guess my path is prob different one..as i'm living for Christ primarily, not for myself and my needs alone..