looking forward

my heart do beats as i count down to the first day at work next mon..it's a mix of excitement n fear of e unknown esp not knowing wat to expect..social work grad venturing into unknown field..hopefully it's manageable..well tried to brush up on my ms office skills but..hmm..haha

flying off tmw morn as well..going back indonesia w my parents to catch up w an uncle whom we have not met for some time at least for them..think i never see him or his family before..it has been 7 yrs since i last travel..not juz for personal relaxtion just before starting work-comes at an opportune time..but hope to spend time w parents esp dad hardly talk to him let alone go out together..hopefully e Lord will sow some seeds in my mum,uncle n grandma who are yet believers..e rest of mum's family r catholics..though not sure abt their faith..w'd be a gd trip i believe..haiz..wanted to brush up on bahasa but in slumber..haha

many distractions i suppose..soccer was one of them..can't believe it..i caught e wigan,chelsea,man u n arsenal matches over e weekend..oh man..wat has got into me? yest..played w some of my ex-cca juniors just near my hse..it's unimaginable for me thinking back..it seemed dat i was not like that a yr back..to be interested in soccer e level i am now at..always felt dat it was too daunting n intimidating..having to rem e various teams' players names..guess hongdao was e person dat influenced me quite a bit..by his vast knowledge n analysis..followed arsenal during their champions league campaign as well..amazed at how arsene wenger brought a team of virtually unknowns w a couple of seniors into e finals..world cup as well followed though not e best i have seen..the rest is history..

it does reap benefits when u r passionate abt sthg..not juz for self-satisfaction..i realised it opened many doors..bonding w brothers..n even non-beilevers as God recently opened e door for me to meet those long-lost frenz esp my cadets whom i enjoyed e times back in sec sch days..instructing,bonding..it's great to be able to keep in touch n meet them after some many years..just talked n shared w how is everyone is doing..i thank e Lord dat some of them have received Christ..hoping to bring one of them for xmas after knowing dat he has not attended church for some time..here in adults, tink outreaching becomes an extension of lifestyle n personal convictons/passions..maybe slower pace, less intensive but less structured-dun have to bog yr mind so much n enjoyable..esp u kill many birds w one stone..haha..juz amazed at how a person's interest can link to many doors for God to come in n work in us..

i rem last wk as a wk dat i met up w many brothers..from cg n nus..it was tiring for me though veri fulifiled at e end of e wk..rem spent just quality time w zhiyun,a bro who came back from hope hk..working n hopes to take up citizenship here in e future..he is looking for jobs after realising dat sales is not meant for him..he is tinking of social services..shared to him my experiences..n of cos e process of job-finding after i juz came out of it..

spent time w kinwee at seoul garden..we juz relate..no agenda of sort..though knowing dat he is going thru dry patch..tink he is one of e few ppl whom i learn abt being real n sincere..sometimes do get uneasy or uncomforable when ppl share abt spiritually 'correct' replies..not saying dat i am doubting their intent..some i know they do mean when they say..but is dat all in it when conversing..how abt yr true feelings, thoughts that come across yr head though not 'biblical'? (tis is of cos taking into consideration ppl n context when u share..element of sensitivity needs to be there)..but w tis bro, i do know dat what he says he means it..though it can be slow for him in his walk w God at times..yet he is open n willing to share his true feelings n thoughts..sometimes, tis helps e frenzhip to grow esp understanding e person well than anything else..hmm..prob i am someone who values mutual sharing, not one person dominates e airtime-highly intolerable for me man, spontaneity-not guarded, honesty n being real..not juz spiritualised replies..

it was great time when a few of us-hanyew,hansheng,kin wee,jiaxiang,jacky n myself juz went to shop for jerseys! after sun svc..yes..we have two more new 'converts'-kin wee got a germany away black addidas one..jiaxiang-blue vodafone man u..me n jiaxiang w'd save up for e one kin wee is wearing..it looks nice man..i might aim for chelsea's black away addidas oso..not supporting e club but going for design..haha..not forgetting last wk..kc-got a vodafone training black manu..xiaoli-england..robert-spain..n guofeng-ac milan..oh no..what has become of us man in adults? seems dat we getting soccer n jersey crazy more haha..well..tink it is a mixture ba..enjoying soccer n fellowship at the same time..

hmm..tinking abt it..prob dat's why i tend to relate more to brothers than sisters..haha..is it dat brothers are not dat spiritual or sisters dat spiritual? tis is rather a hard question to answer..do tink abt it before..in e veri first place, it should not be gender bias as God called us all to be spiritual whether u are a guy or gal..sometimes it does not help when u noe dat u r in e minority esp wat e nus brothers r facing..a plight that they r going thru..do feel burdened abt it n went thru it oso though different..egs r like:

-feelings dat u r expected to grow when u know dat u yrself have some areas need to grow n manage first..need e time n space
-not 'heard' sometimes-inevitable when working w sisters who are leading u
-lack of like-minded bros to share w-alone at times
-self-ego-frankly pride-want to do it yr way
-distractions like e need for companionship n excel in studies n get a gd-paying job
-lack of interest in others be it bros and/or sisters..incl PLs as well

tis r real issues prob wat they r facing currently..not clear answer/solutions but know dat they are doing sthg abt it..rem discussed abt tis w jason some time back..both of us were sharing issues we faced in discipleship of uni ppl..tink it is not easy to disciple a uni freshmen newly-convert brother to be a Christ follower..at e stage when his values r more or less formed..he knows wat he wants..compared to like say someone like me,him or ns brothers who came over..knew e Lord earlier in jc days..perhaps more open cos not so sure where we heading..that few early yrs could help in understanding n laying of gd foundations..and there's e annual agenda of having to replace graduating ppl..it can be veri xiong man..more so for a young brother..

yet there r opportunities for one to discover if he is willing to grow thru e furnace..esp taking personal ownership..after all, we need to and should grow..learning dat in adults where there's work to handle most of e time, no such thing as MACHO,turbo,birthday com/planning-here's a lot simplified..not saying dat it's non-existent but limited due to work..God calls us to lead n be fruitful..tink i am someone who is still learning tis..

rem..when in nus..e motivation comes a lot from ministry needs n out of gratefulness for God..dat's why i serve..dun tink i am a natural leader, pref not to talk or think too much..haha n just follow, not to be too assertive..yet as i take those limited personal time i have to reflect..becomes more convicted of his calling for us brothers..it's not to say sisters cannot lead but tis is wat we r created to be..sthg innate..u experienced wat He wants u to be,

not e world or others say..work hard,get a gd cap,car,wife n condo for eg..

not sharing/keeping quiet is cool..

boasting of personal achievements is wat we should talk abt n aim for..

being pushy-getting yr way n getting temperamental is normal, guy thing man..

but God want us to grow in Chirst-likeness
-it is wise to focus on what is eternal, not juz temporal things

-pays to be vulnerable n humble-ack one's weaknesses for tis pleases e Lord though it might make u look bad in front of ppl

-there's a time to be gentle but it does not mean giving in..it's acceptance n understanding filled w love n compassion..

-time to be confident, not pushy or quiet-making a stand for Him when e occasion calls for it, not for personal gain, giving Him e glory

sometimes it is gd to always refer to e Word n wat our Lord has to say abt us, as guys..cos we can believing in e wrong things/tots without us being aware/take e time to reflect n be sanctified..one obstacle i faced is definitely coming from a family where mum calls e shot than dad..dad just brings in e income..but thru church, i experienced first-time close guy frenzhip n came to acknowledge dat it is possible..tink in some sense it's true when someone,can't rem who..says dat guys take veri long to open up but when open up we can be frenz for life..there's sense of loyalty..n sticks to each other for long..it is not a bad thing to relate to guys after all..cos i used to tink dat tis kind of openess is meant for yr soulmate or dat only sisters can understand u well..not true..

anyway..w'd keep them in prayers..brothers jia you!