felt veri refreshed to run yest after a wk's long break of exercise..i was pretty affected after talking to a nus bro last sat..initially did not feel so much but i was wrong..i could not reconcile w e response dat he gave abt he having tis thingy abt being fearful or uncomfortable talking to strangers..n dat he had other things in mind other than serving..tis wasnt e first time i heard it..been ongoing for a few mths..
i am like thinking esp on sun..how come he felt tis way or dat it did not seem to him an imperative to want to grow n serve more? i did not wanna go for alpha not becos of e team or watsoever but becos of tis issue mainly..wat is wrong here..i cannot vouch for myself dat i have grown dat all i have planned or hoped for in nus ministry..neither am i 'gifted' in a sense, knowing how to communciate veri effectively like zewei or e brains to plan matriculatn or evaluate/analyse issues veri well..yet i did my part, all dat i know of to evax perhaps..knowing abt dat since i received Christ in jc days..
its in me, being trained and taught abt e attitudes n understanding..and it's literally go! and do it..i did have my fears as well..i am not a natural sanguine person or friendship/relational kind of person..but God's love n exp His transformatn just propels n motivates me to do sthg..in my airbase, faculty n now workplace..yes..there are costs invol. i am not attached yet as much as i sometimes hope and wish for..lesser time for studies n gd grades..grad w just a normal degree..but hey no regrets man.
i somehow felt a distance during e conversatn with him..is it wrong to want to evax and serve? dun we believe in e same God? i am not sure..prob asking e old guard to stay back might not be dat good a thing..i dun 've answers for dat..watever e case be..my hope n desire is reali dat e ministry w'd not become one dat 'each did as he or she deemed fit or right in their own eyes'..yes. those who are still there excl e old guard prob 've not experienced much of e old glorious days when alan n co were still around in campus. having seen n experienced all e works dat He did to transform e campuses n lives of many..
seriously there is no basis to whine or spill like a 'crybaby'..u can't 'haiz' all e time rite..fine if we r small in numbers n young,dun 've e many experiences like e old guard..they r not in campus anymore like 2/3 yrs liao? wat can they contribute, seriously? not putting them down here..i just wanna to highligh e thing dat there is seriously no reason not to grow..maybe some might say serving seems veri much 1-track n ministry 1st before anything else..time for studies,girl/boyfrenz be in IVP/dance/student union etc..well..i do agree to a certain extent..it's slow n gradual here but sthg we can grow n improve in..
but ownership n desire to grow need to be there..personal vision n wat u hope to contribute to e ministry needs to be there..lead a chem eng Unit if need be..is it 'wrong' to think of dat? u r worshipping a big God, so dun box Him..u believe in Him and His promises, not yrself..having e faith to see dat happen../sow until u see yr first convert if need be..wat's with e procrastinatn or having a burden for just a person? should u juz be discouraged and stop at there..others need to hear the gospel oso..who is gonna do e job if not us..not alpha program speakers,easter special services,soccer outings etc..
i feel strongly dat there's much to hope for n to rise up for..for those 28 who r still on campus after tis sem..i might give all dat i have to Him n e ministry though have my personal struggles but yet He took care of me after i grad..my CV was not impressive but have a decent job n pay..prob 've to play catch-up socially, learning driving only now, not attached..was dissatisfied but no qualms abt it..no regrets for serving..i'd pray n hope to do my part to add strength to e nus ministry thru possible openings working here..if it means me having to connect to students again n sowing..i will do it..seeing how i can support my sheeps financially,other ways..helping jan with his module project i will do my part..no "Nos" or "Ifs"..tis is my heartbeat..wat satisfactn can u gain seriously if one day Poly ppl were to lead e ministry? just as u have been led by some sacrifical n 'crazy' adult working ppl now..for past 2/3 yrs? it'd be veri sad if ppl dun rise up..having to 'outsource' leadership etc..nothing beats getting yr hands 'dirty'..wat is wrong w dat?
we can't possibly compare now with e past,neither should we be so discouraged n fixed on present circumstances.."i need a gd CAP, wat if my studies suffice." but that is not all dat is supposedly abt life..as i discovered now even as i work..work is juz earning a living..get dat pay..yes we need to find fuifilment in wat we do..but there is not all dat is..serving n worship Him w our lives is e main thing..wat counts more than dat..not even gettng dat driving licence, married, honors degree..these r impt but it can be temporal..all these seriously come after we put God first n reali prioritise Him..
i have no qualms abt ppl getting attached but hey if u are not even enjoy n growing in yr relatnship w Him..puttng Him in e centre of yr life..i am not reali for it..to me, i begning to hold dat stand more..i enjoy being single now..at least..a lot..to me, spending dat 3hrs listening to yr girlfrenz sharing her problems can be better spent in doing other things...prob can accomplish 10 more things-sow/follow up/finished a biathlon/watched a movie or bk..tried to explore knowing more ppl but i guess not much progress..and i am not gonna do anything abt it..
finding my life purpose..gaining back my evax fervor..growing to fear e Lord n remembering n exp His Word, presence more in my life is a lot more impt..
my apologies to those who r reading my blog..u might not understand fully wat i wrote..but tis is my personal blog..so w'd write entries as i deem appropriate or reflects my life..w'd share honestly how i feel n think honestly n responsibly as well..dun intend to write for anyone or make it a public one..up to yr personal discretn when u read..thx for understanding
3 comments:
Thanks so much for sharing this, dear bro. I think this is one of the most moving entries that I've read. It's very strong. Can really feel that burning desire in your heart taking flame. It really stirs my own heart too.
What you're doing is good, bro, and I also pray eagerly that our bros back in the NUS ministry will also catch the fire anew too.
But, just feel that yes, there's a burden to see new leaders rise up... *sigh* i understand the desperate need... and i'm not a leader either...
But i think what you're doing here is really important, bro. Please, please keep on sharing your passion and desire to see God's kingdom extended. But also want to encourage you to be more joyful. I think joy will go a long way in inspiring other people to serve Jesus likewise too. :) And hey, I think you need to be more joyful about what God has already given you, not only about what you lack... ;)
Hee, just my sincere feedback... please correct me if I'm wrong... thanks!!! :D
Ha... it's not easy yeah, for our bros and sisters back in the NUS ministry. I think I don't really understand everything that's going on very well, but yeah, it's a pruning experience for them. (Even the bro I'm taking care of isn't doing well.) But yeah, it's their ministry, not ours. So I guess there is only so much that we can do... but I believe we can pray for them, and we can exhort them constantly, like how 'lao' Caleb exhorted the Israelites to stay faithful to God and have faith in Him.
Wow, this is a long comment haha... but yeah, after reading this heart-felt post of yours, I'm inspired by your heart for God, and I really hope and pray tt the other bros also learn from ur example as you follow Christ's example. :)
Thank God for you dear bro... keep on sharing your heart for God more and more!
no prob bro..thx for e feedback..lack of joy is sthg i've been struggling for some time esp when come over to adults..
not juz dat, having e childlikeness n rekindling e first love as well..felt dat i had somehow lost it..haiz..not saying dat i 've overcomed much of dat yet..but learning n growing each day to focus on our Lord n learn to give thanks..i do 've hope n want to regain dat first love again :)
yup..do agree w e pt dat we can only do so much..now dat we r in adults liao..just hope e 28 w'd be self-motivated n cherish their ministry more..let's keep them in prayers. Do hope n believe dat they w'd take more ownership..prove e old guard wrong man guys..they can succeed them n do e job as well if not better than them..in e right spirit..
Do hope n believe dat they w'd take more ownership..prove e old guard wrong man guys..they can succeed them n do e job as well if not better than them..in e right spirit..
Amen! yes, let it be so. When I read what you wrote just now, this verse came to mind - I was meditating on it some time ago, and shared with Swee Leong, and he said tt I should share this with the others -
Psalm 119:100
"I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.
Shared with him that this verse struck me as very relevant for the younger ones in the NUS ministry, that God's standard is that the younger ones should do even better than the elder ones before, and this is possible if they choose to claim God's promises and rise up to face the challenges.
Hee... now that we're on a different beach, let's also encourage one another even more than we have done in the NUS ministry... let's set an example for the younger ones who look up to us in Adults ministry when they cross over in due time. :) Let's be Calebs and Joshuas for the next generation, for God's Kingdom in every nation and marketplace. Amen? :D
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