dilemmas

In my course of work, I have been faced with constant dilemmas especially those boys who are placed in the Home on a beyond parental control order of two years. The reason that they are inside here is because of ongoing issues between them and the family, notably a strain in the relationship and breakdown in communication, mistrust and behavioral issues that subsequently surface. A temporary removal from their own home could give one another the space and time for healing and restoration to take place with focused work in counseling and other support. There is no doubt that every parent has every right to file the order if the child is not manageable and the State is requested to come in to intervene. The question is often asked, how effective is such a method used?

One scenario is that the parents will wash their hands off and do their due duties in paying monthly maintenance fees for their children and bring them back after two years. The children would probably change much, be it for the better or worse, whether they realise it or not. Along the way, they feel that the child is not improving and complying with their instructions and they do not want him back home over the weekend. Most of such families are not cohesive,divorced,separated etc and parents are not on good terms with each other or have varying parenting styles. Who is to blame?

Another scenario is that the child resents the parents for what they have done and this further creates the rift between them. He hates and blames everyone for this change in environment and gets defensive, non-cooperative and rude and defiant to staff and residents. After all, residing in a communal setting has its own set of challenges especially when boys of such backgrounds are placed together. Anger and frustration can easily get out of control. Managing this child then becomes an issue for us and we have no choice but to bring the boy back to court. The next place he will go to is juvenile prison and the parents feel guilty and regret for filing the order in the first place but does it solve all the issues?

Think importantly parents must realise that filing the order is not an end in itself. Neither should they expect that their boy will surely change for the better after their sentence. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not. They should be made fully aware the psychological and emotional consequences on their child. Ultimately, the child has to return home one day, they cannot stay in a Home forever. If not, he will lose touch with reality and becomes too dependant on others and lacks ability to take ownership of his life. It becomes more of a liability than anything else.