born again

How I wish God can just stop time for a while. Maybe he is coming back soon. In barely 3 months’ time I will grad w a BA degree, no honours, just pass with merit I hope. There is of course the question of whether I could have worked hard more and strive for honours. There is the fear of whether I can secure a job out there. I will also be in adults group starting all over again and a new chapter for me. 3rd transition as a Christian from doing ns and finished my studies. Could I have stayed in University district? Have I finished what God called me to do here, not very long just three years only? Hmm. I will probably only know when I return home next time. It is something that I have been reflecting and consolidating but no complete answers. Dun think there will be any. I do have some regrets, some ifs that I could have done such as managing my life much better in terms of thoughts and emotions. Not being a crybaby and focus on God and his kingdom at times. Yet glad and thankful for all the learning and impartation here especially what it means to be in a campus ministry, the idea of living lives and doing ministry at the same time. The many moments of relating and serving together. Learnt a lot how to think, go deeper in scriptures and being relational.

I have set some resolutions for 2006. Even year, usually quite fruitful haha but it is because of the pruning I received in my odd years. Some desires and burdens I have man
- More immediate is to really graduate and make sure I clear these last five modules: mental illness, gender, theatre marketing, Jap film and anime and info system and application. It is an interesting combination for this semester. Seemed quite light the modules but well we see how it goes. Prepare resume, consolidate my counseling skills, voice-yes! How to speak better...Think‘ve the book and people to help. Learn Excel and some basic financial knowledge

-also hope to connect with all my good friends from pri/sec/jc/bmt/nus arts who are graduating whatever the case. Have not done much of sowing for the past year. Hope to bring some of them to know God and form/lead my own care group/unit in adults in due time. Yeah man! Believe it will come to pass

-want to also take part in the full marathon, army half marathon and NUS/Singapore biathlon and get my IPPT gold. Might become a fitness freak but want to explore God’s grace and purpose in this aspect. Maybe I can turn competitive? Also want to instill self-discipline and break my other habits as I have experienced during the 1-mth break in December.
-there is progress in cutting down the intake of coke, less sleepy, did not rent vcd excessively, exercised thrice a week
-woke up by 7 am strictly 6/7 hours of sleep no matter what time I sleep, learnt freestyle! Though still quite bad man, dun know if can master this stroke in time for the biathlon
-read up intensively; cover some breadth across theatre, language and fitness though not much depth. Haha but thankful man. Need to grow myself more than be complacent. The world is moving so fast, all the more as Christ followers as he called us to be the head and not the tail. Will do a disservice to His name

Glad also for new babies who joined us: swee leong, carlyn and huan yan. Thankful also the stones that he has lifted in my life: mainly my family and some personal long struggles that have for some time. Thank you Lord. reali glad to see zhongyao join us for christmas service. it has been 2 yrs since i last saw him. so happy man

-above all, hope to grow deeper in scriptures-got myself 3 books-2 commentaries and 1 bible dictionary. Hope to be diligent and attend hope seminary-old testament survey course after my exams. You can never go wrong investing in God’s Word

Hope to also do more self-reflection especially want to cultivate the attitude of waiting upon him and enjoying whatever trials and tests that he will put me through this year. Never think about such a wish. Usually I take unfavorable circumstances quite negatively, just want to escape. At the end of it all, I want to grow in faith and trust, being assured and convicted of whatever that I am doing. Bold and courageous. Not self/people/circumstance-conscious but God-conscious and fear and love Him in every thought and attitude that I have.

As a forgiven sinner, I am sure he will lead me as I step into working life. A very ordinary person who strives to love his savior and creator with all his heart, dun have much to offer to the world or even can be measured up to the world. It’s ok. I have Jesus in my life. Most probably that is all it matters. It had and will always be a fact that my life is picked up by him, given many 2nd chances to walk the new life that he has given me. Though at times, I refuse to choose that path, tried to detour several times, experienced the consequences and I turned back knowing that he is there always waiting for me to come back. What a faithful and forgiving friend. Still I will walk, run some times but with one end in mind: to be home eventually. See and testify even more to his grace and love in all aspects of my life as he takes his rein in me bit by bit, more and more.

walking...