one last try

feeling pretty awful these few days..e struggle of being too conditioned to work environment here..and realising that you have become somewhat complacent n dislusioned..it's pretty tough to dislodge all these feelings and be focused..want to give yr best to yr work still..well, i have been trying..it is a bit more difficult when someone you know works in e same dept as well..man..think my life has never been so accountable before..in work, at home, in e community..sometimes, do feel like escaping..how not to be negative yet be of good cheer and support..how not to tell her yet e realities of e organisation she is in..e good and not so bad..how to be real and open yet knowing that you cannot do the same for her or other colleagues..it is not e hope environment you are so used to living in..wearing different masks perhaps?

but still, gonna give my final push for e ideas n initiatives that i want to take..pretty wasted if i were to just go off like dat..does not make any sense to me..tis requires courage and perseverance..i have been re-thinking for some time..one of the things is to have extra income if i were to stay on here..at e most for a year more..yes..wherever i would be, social work etc..used to to think that pursuing yr heart interests is everything..definitely we should do that but you need that something else to keep fueling that..bread n butter matters come into the picture..how to survive and thrive..
a bit..

how to do that, not just saving..but need financial literacy to know what to invest in, stocks, unit trusts..seriously cutting down my expenses-forgo all e theatre plays that i would want to go to, cut down on movies, food etc..can't imagine or want to put up with a basic pay of such for the rest of my life..waiting for some 1-mth bonus every year..we need money to keep us focused on e impt things..furthering His cause..though shouldnt be sucked into it as well..reali a green horn in this..but something i am re-learning..along e way..

how to reali keep our faith relevant n make sense to ppl out there? sincerity,character of heart is just not gd enough..
that's wat i experienced this 15 mths since i moved to adults ministry..had e feeling that i've been 'maintaining' my faith though at e initial stage handling all e transistion..tried to sow, disciple adult ppl..seems so diffcult..not dat i never tried..but it didnt seem gd enough..or moving much forward..time to plan man!